


Burning Bright

by yunglolita



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Baby's First Fanfic, Concerts, F/F, F/M, M/M, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Modern AU, Punk Rock, Rave, Recreational Drug Use, Shameless Smut, Smoking, Underage Drinking, crappy apartments, dark themes, drug dealer!annie, everyone is gay as hell, i don't know what im doing and im so sorry, its kind of incesty but not really, mikasa and eren as siblings, mikasa beats people up, please be gentle its my first time posting, shoplifting and stealing, the fanfic your parents warned you about, they party hard, they're all little shits, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1359778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunglolita/pseuds/yunglolita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There were no illusions. There were no friends. Only those who you met in passing and who you could benefit from at the time. Only those you could throw away as soon as you were done using them."<br/>Annie is a dealer who has always had to fight alone and is barely hanging on. Mikasa is trying to forget about her problems and past through drugs and alcohol, or any means necessary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up until 7 last night and I typed and edited this whole thing while listening to sky ferreria and drinking more than I'd like to say on here so if this is a complete mess it's only because i'm a complete mess too.

Mikasa’s POV  
The last thing she had remembered was the consistent and trembling feeling of being surrounded by other people. All moving, breathing, individually thinking. She was one of them. It was beautiful, an ocean of living organisms, all there to lose themselves. Each swaying and laughing, screaming words that would be swallowed up by the rhythms that pulsated out of the speakers. They weren't there to talk. As detached as she normally was, here she felt whole. Alone but surrounded. In the real world they would avert eye contact, sit across from each other on the subway, and pass each other on a crowded street. Here, the lines were blurred. Friends in passing, strangers who used each other. She held no illusions, everyone could use and be used and given the opportunity they would not hesitate to do so.  
Sometime in the night two round pills had been pressed into the palm of her hand. Mikasa looked up to mouth a thank you but her whole body froze. Everything around her ceased to exist. All she could see was the icy blue eyes that belonged to the most strikingly gorgeous girl she’d ever seen. Blue eyes kept her unmoving, they were still in the mass of moving bodies. The girl moved forward, closing the small gap between them, thin fingers taking back the pills from Mikasa’s damp hands. Even as the pale, blue eyed girl placed the pills on her own tongue, her gaze was unwavering. Nothing felt real. Mikasa found herself leaning forward, submitting to the hypnotic girl in front of her. She became aware that this girl had snaked one arm around her waist, bringing her closer. The girl brought one hand to Mikasa’s face, tracing her jawline and tilting her chin upward. They were so close, she could feel this girl’s body heat, and her own heartbeat mixed in to the ever present vibration of bass.  
She didn't know who moved first, all she could remember was that suddenly everything was irrelevant and all that mattered was this girl’s lips on her own. Electricity sparked through her body, the air left her lungs. It was messy and unfamiliar but it was all Mikasa needed. She wanted to be closer, their mouths parted, Mikasa let pills be pushed onto her tongue. Hands were on her chest, tracing her collarbones, and then pressing firmly, pushing her back. They broke apart, Mikasa tried to steady herself, inhale, swallow the pills. She opened her eyes. The blue eyed girl was gone.  
A friend for a minute.  
Mikasa tried to forget the way the other girl had looked at her. Like her she was being dissected. She tugged on her red bandana that loosely hung around her neck. And let the crowd absorb her again.  
-  
Annie’s POV  
Before she even opened her eyes she winced. Something just a tab bit short of an earthquake had erupted behind her temples. Lazily, she lifted one eyelid. The world hazily came into view. After staring at the shaky patterns in the ceiling for a few minutes she turned her head and began to register where she was. Dim florescent lights, a couple ratty couches, other people strewn out around the expansive room. She finally gathered the strength to sit up, immediately regretting doing so as the pounding between her ears hit her like a train. There was a rip in her jeans and something matted in her hair.  
“Gross.”  
She pressed her thin lips together, enjoying the slight pain that came from rubbing her already chapped lips. Well, couldn't stick around here forever. Deftly she grasped the wall and heaved herself up. Dull heat hit her back. Good weather today, not that she’d be able to appreciate it. Turning, she faced the clouded window that was letting streams of sunlight in. Dust particles danced in front of her face. She halfheartedly waved them away and gazed out through the dirty window pane. The view was impressive, a sprawling city filled to the brim with disgusting humans. From here they all looked like insects. From here she could crush every single one of them. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly. There would be time for pretty thoughts later. Annie turned on her heal, away from the insects. For now she had to find her shoes and a way back to her apartment. If this was any indication, she had a lot of work, and a long day ahead of her.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we find more out about Mikasa and Eren and their life/relationship.

Mikasa woke up to her brother’s cursing and the smell of burnt toast. She let out a small groan, how many ties had she told Eren to say the fuck out of the kitchen? Stuffing her head under a pillow she tried to slip back into a half comatose state. It was useless. The smell of charred bread was only getting stronger.

“Better get up before he breaks something”, Mikasa mumbled, running her hands through her short brunette hair. There was a harsh pop, accompanied by a string of curses. She swung her legs over the side of the mattress. Too late.

When she entered the small kitchen she saw Eren sitting on the floor next to what had been their toaster, attempting to eat nearly black toast.

“Eren what the fuck that was our only toaster.”

“-was broken anyways”, Eren said with a mouthful of toast.

“Whatever, you’re paying for a new one then”, Mikasa replied as she stepped over Eren and began to search for something edible in their shabby kitchen.

“When was the last time we went shopping?” The fridge was practically empty, apart from a jug of orange juice, half a loaf of bread and something in a Tupperware container that had been there for months. Neither on of them wanted to touch it so it had gotten pushed to the back of the fridge where it'd probably stay until they got really hungry.

“Uh, I think last Tuesday… or The Tuesday before that...”

Mikasa frowned. “We need food.”

“Yeah I know that but we’re broke as hell right now” Eren answered from the floor.

“What happened to our paycheck we got the other day?”

There was a click. Mikasa looked down to see Eren lighting a cigarette. He inhaled, closing his eyes as he did so. Smoke trailed up toward the ceiling.

  “Drugs.”

Mikasa seated herself on the floor across from her brother. She pressed her back against the refrigerator, feeling the low hum which was oddly comforting. Wordlessly, she motioned for Eren to pass her the cigarette. He gave her a lopsided smile and obliged. As smoke filled her lungs she felt a wave of protectiveness wash over her. This world was cruel, yet beautiful and they only had each other. They did what they needed to survive, be that working 3 jobs or losing themselves in some dirty warehouse in the meat packing district. Life had been relentless for the start. It was tiring and miserable, but sometimes it gave you a break, small, indulgent moments that Mikasa knew not to take for granted. Sitting here, on the kitchen floor of their shitty apartment, sharing cigarettes with her brother and best friend, relaying the events from the night before. It was everything that she needed.

Mikasa pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them. Through the now hazy air, she watched Eren as he began to talk animatedly about some get together they were going to tonight.

“So we’ll go to Sasha and Connie’s around 9 and I think he said something about a party in Chinatown but I’m not sure.”

“Sounds good, I have today off, what about you?”

“Mmm, yeah, I’ not on the clock today, I think they know I’m usually hungover on Sundays.”

Mikasa let out a small chuckle.

“Smart people.”

Eren rolled his eyes and laced his fingers together before stretching his arms above his head. He grinned.

“So. We have the whole day to ourselves, what do you want to do Mika?”

His sister cocked her head and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m bored as hell, wanna get massively fucked?” As if she had to ask.

-

Much to Eren’s protest, Mikasa insisted that they need to get food first. They threw on heavy coats which were only slightly out of place in the spring weather. Luckily the corner store they usually went to no occasions like this was only a couple blocks away. It was big enough so they could go unnoticed and move about it easily but not big enough for quality security. They know there all the security cameras were located and all the quickest exists.

 As they rounded the corner Mikasa began to lag behind Eren, the siblings had already discussed what food they needed to cop and the priority of those items. Eren entered the store first going to the left aisle in search of toothbrushes and toothpaste. Mikasa waited outside for a couple minutes before pushing the doors open and letting her eyes weep across the store. One bored teenage employee sat behind the counter, reading and not bothering to look up a Mikasa made a beeline for the instant noodles. She worked quickly, grateful that the bulky jacket came with a multitude of pockets on the inside. Eren appeared at the end of the aisle, Mikasa nodded and mouthed, “three minutes”, they would have to leave soon. Staying any longer than 7 minutes would cause suspicion. All that was left on Mikasa’s list was lunch meet and popcorn. Eren should be done, unless he got greedy, which he usually did. Two minutes, Mikasa weaved in and out of the aisles, barely even pausing as she passed the refrigerated meet section, hands reaching out to grab two packages that she stuffed in her pockets. It was times to go, they’d have to live without popcorn for a couple of weeks. As she made her way to the front of the store she caught sight of Eren kneeling in front of the liquor section. Of course.

                “Leave. Now.”

                Eren didn’t bother replying, he finished pocketing the bottle of clear liquid and headed toward the back exit. He was greedy but he knew when to listen to his sister. Now at the entrance, Mikasa slowed to a casual pace keeping the bored cashier in her line of sight. They were lucky the employee didn’t care enough to question why the girl had left without buying anything, in a coast with suspicious bumps in it. Mikasa had barely made it out on the street before she heard yelling coming from the alleyway that the back entrance lead to.

                Eren’s voice.

                Panic struck her only for a moment before she gritted her teeth and tore down the alleyway.

                Eren had fucked up. After bursting through the backdoor he ran straight into another employee who was taking a smoke break in the alley. He was confident in his fighting skills but he was clearly at a disadvantage with his coast weighed down by all the food he had just stolen. Not to mention that this guy was at least twice his size and very pissed off.

                It took Mikasa no time at all to register what was happening. Eren was being pinned up against a wall and had taken a couple punches to the face. He was struggling but the massive employee was no phased. But right now Mikasa didn’t give a shit about his size, he could have been 50 meters tall and she still would try to take him. It was simple, the bastard had hurt Eren, so she was going to hurt him.

                She continued down the alleyway, picking up speed and as she neared them she drew her right leg back, delivering a swift kick to the back of his knees. The huge employee crumpled instantly, dropping Eren against the wall. Mikasa jumped, grabbing the man by his collar and taking a good look at his stunned face before hitting him, hard. Bastard. Bastard. How dare he try to take away her only family. She kept hitting, she felt nothing, she wanted to hurt him, wanted to feel something. Bastard, bastard, bastard.

                “Mikasa, stop….stop.”

                Her brother’s voice sounded muffled, she felt him against her back. Eren slid his arms around her shoulders from behind, resting his chin on the crook of her neck

“Mikasa…..you’re killing him.”

                He was whispering, breath hitting her ear. Slowly, Mikasa felt herself coming back to reality. She was sat on top of a large man…right, the store employee. Her arms dropped to her sides. Feeling was coming back to her knuckles, bloodied and bruised. The man’s face was a mess of dried and gushing blood, his nose was broken and lip was split. Mikasa turned, facing Eren who was still clinging onto her, she let out a dry laugh,

                “Oops.”  

                Eren smirked and stood up, holding out a hand to help his sister up.

                “Come on fighter, we have to get out of here before someone notices this shit.”

                The siblings joined hands, pals stained with rust colored blood and fled deeper into the alleyway. Away from the busy streets and worthless people, back to the dimly lit apartment.

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos or whatever are always appreciated! I'd really love some feedback on my work. My tumblr is yunglolita.tumblr.com if you want to message me there as well.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Eren and Mikasa stuff, you meet the rest of their friends, they take molly, Armin is kind of dark/manipulative/i don't know where I'm going with his character, and I didn't even include Annie in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know why for my first fanfic I was like wow I should write a long, in depth fic because I totally have the time and concentration for that. Also I realized the first two chapters are really short so I panicked and wrote a shit ton this time. I'm also totally self projecting on Mikasa's character but it's dramatized a little and I don't know how to stop. I've never taken molly so I don't know how to write about it??? I just want to apologize a lot and if someone wants to tell me what being on molly is like that's be really cool.

Mikasa was limping, her body was weak from all the exertion. This always happened after an episode. It was a blessing that Eren was strong enough to carry up the stairs and through the apartment door. He took off her coat, filled with stolen items, and laid her down on the living room floor.  As Eren went to put away the food Mikasa tried to get a grip on her surroundings. She shifted, shoulder blades awkwardly rubbing against the thin carpet.  Black hair fanned out behind her, creating silky rivers on the multicolored tufts in the carpet. She peered up at the ceiling through her thick eyelashes. Tracing the stains and cracks above her with unblinking eyes.

“You okay?” Eren was holding a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses.

“Be better if I blacked out tonight and forgot that this ever happened."

“We still have to go to Sasha and Connie’s at 9 remember?”

Mikasa groaned and rolled so she was lying face down on the floor. Eren shrugged, used to her moodiness, and started to pour.

They ended up taking more shots then they planned on and gave up counting after 8. Everything felt fuzzy and comfortable. Warmth had spread from Mikasa’s stomach to her flushed cheeks. At some point Mikasa had peeled off her leggings and Eren had thrown her shirt across the room. The only light in their apartment came from a string of red Christmas lights that hung from the ceiling. It tinted the walls, carpet and Eren’s skin a florescent crimson. Mikasa reached out and pressed a palm to his chest, half expecting her fingertips to come away red. She was pretty sure they hadn’t but didn’t dwell on it for long because Eren was laughing so hard, like she’d done the funniest thing in world. Without realizing it Mikasa had started laughing too. Everything was spinning or maybe she was spinning. Yeah, she was spinning. Eren was too, they were holding hands and it felt like the world was moving so fast and only they were standing still. Mikasa threw her head back, laughing and yelling.

“Fuck this crappy room, fuck our useless parents, fuck this world!”

Eren let go. They both hit the floor, laughing harder than ever. She was so preoccupied with how the laughter vibrated through her chest and stomach that Mikasa didn’t even notice when Eren crawled over to her. He let the words spill out, ragged and slurred,

“Fuck everything. Except for you, and me. Ok.”

Green eyes bore down on her so intensely, her laughter stuck in her throat.

“Ok. Just you and me.”

This was the Eren she knew. Though he acted differently around other people, Eren needed Mikasa as much as she needed him. And at moments like this she would dare to say that he was even more dependent on her than he ever let on. It was okay. This was how it always had been. Lost and abandoned, just the two of them fighting the monsters of this world.

In her hazy state Mikasa let her eyes wander over to the clock. She focused on the white numbers…

“Shit its 8:45.” She rushed to stand up and make her way to her bed room, clinging to the wall as she did so.

“We’re going to be sooo late” Eren groaned as he stumbled past her bedroom door in journey to his room. Fucking fuck. She pulled an over sized black shirt off the floor, and tried not care that it probably hadn't been washed in weeks. After shimmying into tights and lacing up her boots, she knotted a red bandanna around her neck. Eren had given it to her one day, with some offhanded comment about how he had would have gotten her a scarf if they weren't so damn poor. Looking herself reflected in the clouded mirror that hung on her bedroom wall she couldn't help but smile. Yeah it was just a regular bandanna, one you could get anywhere, but it was from Eren, so she treasured it. She pulled a green parka on and walked back into the living room. He brother was standing by the door.

“You look good. I mean, you look fucked up but yeah…good.”

“Thanks, I think.” Mikasa replied as she moved past Eren and through their front door.

This city was so different at night. Even though they’d lived here for years she had never felt completely comfortable with the looming buildings and filthy streets. The shadows and black outlines looked like giant people. It made her feel uneasy. Though she’d never admit it out loud, she had always had a secret fear that one day she’d find herself alone in this dark labyrinth.

Maybe that was why she unconsciously clung to Eren. She hated being alone. She liked to pretend that she didn’t need anyone, that she was strong enough to stand alone. But she couldn’t do that. Not now.

It was too easy to forget who you are. If you weren’t careful you could become faceless, nameless. It would be easy. There was a time when Mikasa had wanted a life like that, to live anonymously. She had been naïve. This whole city is a trap. If you try to blend in you lose yourself. You disappear. People like her and her brother, they weren’t meant to live like that. Their reality was different. Any hope of living normally had left the same day their mom died and dad decided to skip town.

Eren lit a cigarette, eyeing Mikasa through the smoke. He could always tell when she was in one of these moods. Sometimes they lasted for days. Mikasa had a habit of withdrawing from everything, curling up inside herself, letting her thoughts lay heavy on her chest. Thoughts no one else could understand, not even Eren. It was during times like this that she tried to stay as far as possible from him, emotionally and physically. She stayed out until the morning in places Eren wouldn’t think to go near and when she was home she stayed hidden behind a locked door. Eren always reacted violently. At some point in this depressive time Eren would snap and Mikasa would become faintly aware of him rampaging the apartment. The bathroom mirror was cracked, walls and door were punched, leaving gaping holes. Reluctantly Mikasa would open her door, there was only so much abuse their home could take. Despite trying so hard to get through to his sister, Eren would always be furious when she reemerged. He was as emotional as she was passive. Violence was second nature to him. Yet he wouldn’t dare lay a hand on Mikasa, they both knew that. So he’d scream and taunt, accuse her of abandoning him, compare her to their father, anything to provoke a response. Push her farther and farther until she could no longer stay silent. Sometimes she thought they would drive each other away completely with how they carried on.

“Where are you?”

The dark haired girl blinked. Eren stopped, blocking her path.

“I’m here, right here.”

“I’m fucking sure. You’ve been spacing out since we left. Are you-“

“I’m fine, was just thinking.” She stepped around Eren and continued down the street. Fuck had they really walked this far? Eren’s heavy footsteps started again, he fell into place next to her. Mikasa stole a sideways glace at him. Hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie, under a black leather jacket, lips pressed in a thin line. He’s pissed, but probably not mad enough to start any fights. Probably. Better apologize.

They cut through an empty playground, Sasha and Connie lived in a duplex in the neighborhood just beyond it.

“Remember when we came here after taking E for the time and it was like 6 in the morning?” There was a pause, Mikasa drew a breath waiting for Eren’s response.

Eren bit his lip, chucking softly, “Yeah, and you guys couldn’t get me to leave the top of the slide because I was so blissed out.”

“So we all just crammed up there with you and watched the sunrise.”

“Yeah, you were pretty irked at me.”

“You were being a little shit. But, I’m glad you didn’t want to leave. It was actually really fun.”

 Their pace had slowed and the siblings were looking at each other now, grinning. Mikasa turned away first. “Come on, we’ve got to get to Sasha and Connies or we’ll never hear the end of it.” Eren pouted, “We’re always late!”

“No I’m on time and you always spend too long trying to take that chronic bed head of yours.” She reached up, ruffling Eren’s hair before he stepped out of reach.

“Mikasa it looked good for once!”

“Shut up it always looks the same.”

“Not true” Eren grumbled, he crossed his arms and stopped walking. “For that insult I refuse to move unless you apologize and give me a piggy back ride the rest of the way.”

“Eren seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Mikasa let out a long sigh. It wasn’t worth arguing with him once he got on of these stupid ideas in his head.

“Fine. Sorry. Get on.” She tried no to look too annoyed with her brother’s victorious grin. He jumped on her back and thrust his fist in the air.

“Onward noble Jean!” Oh god it was too early in the night for horse jokes. Mikasa began to walk faster, trying to make this trip as short as possible.

“Hey hey, get it? Cause Jean looks like a-”

“Eren if you finish that sentence I swear to god I will throw you across entire city I swear to god.”

“Easy there Nelly.”

If they hadn’t been five feet from Sasha and Connie’s Mikasa would have dumped him on the ground and gone home.

“Stop talking and ring the doorbell.”

“Fine fine.” Eren replied as he leaned forward over her head and pressed the button. They waited in silence for a moment listening to the muffled conversation and rhythmic music that drifted from inside the duplex. Mikasa shifted so she could carry Eren’s weight better.

“Are you going to get off now?”

“Not until we step inside.”

The doorknob jiggled and was pulled open, revealing a short smirking guy with a buzz cut.

“Hey Connie!” Eren waved and leaned to the right so Connie could see his face in the small door frame. Connie looked momentarily confused before bursting out laughing.

“Hey guys Mikasa and Eren are here!” There was a chorus of hellos coming from inside the house. Connie moved aside so the siblings could fit through the door. Mikasa let go of Eren without a second thought, glad to be rid of the extra weight. Eren yelled as he hit the ground but Mikasa didn’t pay any attention and made her way to the living room. Sasha and Connie preferred to get their furniture from garage sales and the side of the road, the result was old lumpy couches, tons of patterned and worn pillows strewn on an old Turkish rug with a suspicious stain. Sasha was sat against a green velvet couch, messy locks pulled back away from her face, which was leaned over a bong at the moment. That was typical, Sasha and Connie were huge stoners who made most of their money from dealing weed to different dispensaries.

Ymir was sitting on the couch behind Sasha wearing a tight black tank top tanned muscled arms wrapped around her girlfriend Christa. She winked at Mikasa and nudged Christa who jumped off her lap to hug Mikasa.

“Wow we thought you weren't going to come!”

Mikasa smiled warmly, “Sorry we started drinking and lost track of time.”

“That’s totally fine!” Christa always got bubbly and giggly when she was high. Not that she wasn't usually. “Want some?” The tiny girl gestured to the bong which was sitting in Sasha’s lap. At this Sasha glanced up, noticing Mikasa for the first time and giving her a goofy grin.

“Nah, don’t feel like being mellow tonight.”

“Good cause I just made your favorite.” Eren’s voice came from behind her. He handed Mikasa a jack and coke in a Christmas mug. God forbid Sasha and Connie buy normal dishes. Eren sipped out of a mug that proclaimed: World’s Greatest Dad. Connie had plopped next to Sasha on the floor, swinging an arm around her. They had been best friends since grade school, were inseparable and obviously soul mates. Everyone knew it but at the moment they maintained a causal relationship.

Eren sat down, leaning against the wall closest to the green couch that was covered in goofy snapshots that Sasha and Connie insisted everyone pose for. Mikasa curled up next to him. She was feeling particularly warn out and was craving physical contact. Usually she was emotionally reserved, she held herself together. Today she had sipped up. Shown too much of herself in one day. She felt weird. Eren allowed her to rest her head on his shoulder, petting her hair. As conversation flowed between the six of them, Mikasa drifted in and out, smiling and drinking from the Christmas mug. Sometime in the night Armin and Jean showed up.

They didn't stay at the house for long. Sasha and Connie distributed Molly within the group before calling cabs. Mikasa pocketed the capsule, and Armin politely declined. They rode deep inside the south city area, stopping outside a grimy building. It was one of the many in this side of the city, tucked away, and almost unnoticeable. As they headed into the warehouse, walking through twisting hallways and staircases, Mikasa became aware of how devastatingly sober she was. Somehow it made the whole experience more surreal. The rest of the group was already rolling. Sasha and Connie were skipping and holding hands, far ahead of the rest of them. Jean was entranced by Mikasa’s hair and, much to Mikasa’s annoying, kept trying to touch it. She shot Armin an exasperated look. He shrugged, this is what happens when you’re the only sober people.

The skipping couple reached the door to the rave first, they burst through, side by side, into a wave of bass and body heat. The group dispersed quickly, Jean challenged Eren to a drinking contest, while Sasha and Connie never slowed down, plowing through the mass of people trying to get as close to the dj booth as possible. Ymir and Christa were probably already in a bathroom stall making out. Mikasa had never been one for dancing and Armin didn't drink much. They stayed close and found an empty spot against the wall. Mikasa fished the molly out of her pocket and figured that now was a good of a time as ever to take it. Armin sat down next to her and watched as she placed the pill on her tongue.

“Curious?” Mikasa asked as she dry swallowed. Armin pulled his knees to his chest and shifted.

“Of course, you’re fascinating.”

Blood rushed to Mikasa’s face, she tugged at her bandanna trying to hide her surprise. Armin smirked but let it drop and began to chatter about school, moving his hands as he did so.

Fascinating.

She wasn't the least bit interesting, but Armin he was so smart, and so content, he was going to do wonderful things. She could tell by the way he talked about his lectures and books just how much he immensely enjoyed learning. _Why does he still hang around us? He’s too smart for this, an intellectual, top of his class college student at a dark and dirty rave. That’s fascinating. I guess I used to be like that, but I never liked it quiet as much. All those perfect scores and good grades, it was just something I did. Being here, this used to be just something I did. I’m strong. Stronger than all these people. Why am I here if-_

“Mikasa I’m worried about you.” He must have stopped talking a while ago. “What’s going on?”

Mikasa stayed silent. She couldn't lie to Armin. Most other people weren’t observant enough to even question her. Armin was different.

Tucking her hair behind her ears, she turned away from her friend.

“I’m gonna get some air.”

She could feel Armin watching her as she made her way through the mob of strangers. He wouldn't let this go. For now he’d let her walk away and avoid his questions, but he would want answers soon. And Mikasa didn't know what she would say when that time came.   


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok Mikasa and Annie finally fucking meet. It's angsty and hot and just a little awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I told you that I had most of this chapter written out on a word doc and then I got a new laptop and I lost everything would you believe me. I hope so because that's what happened and I lost all motivation to do anything. And then I graduated highschool and started college and then my boyfriend broke up with me and here I am. I'm drunk (duh, when do I every write sober) and listening to the Neighborhood a lot and I'm pretty sure the first part of this chapter sounds like complete mumbo jumbo but just go with it ok. Also I did my best at trying to write a sexy kissing scene, there's blood because I'm into that. Ok I love you guys even though you probably hate me for making you wait like a year (??) for another chapter but it's ok I hate me too and I'm here now so enjoy.

Cold air blanketed her tan skin. Mikasa shuddered as the rusted hinges of the rooftop door gave away with a piercing cry and swung open.

The city stood before her, electric and crumbling. A dirty paradise.

Constantly moving, glowing, and hot neon signs smoldering, beautiful embers and scattered start like ashes, and dripping paint, creating constellations. Untraceable and meaningless. And all the lost children who buy their happiness and glorify the suppliers spend the night searching for their angels. Halo headed dealers, all to eager to expose you to demons sealed in yellow zip lock bags. Sweet smelling, charred, soft snow, beautiful crystals trapped behind a clear shell. Heaven at a price.

Slowly, she crossed to the edge of the rooftop. The world spread out below her like a map, the veins of the city pulsing, sewage water running like blood. She was floating, so far above all the cracked concrete floors and fluorescent coated secrets said behind hidden back doors.

She was crying. Raw and exposed before everything and absolutely no one. She was terrified that no one in the entire world would ever be able to understand how she felt in that moment. _I’m not really crying, its the drugs it’s just the drugs and the cold air, it my strained and red eyes_. Tears trickled down her cheeks, running along her chin before falling. There was so much, rushing and breathing and more alive than she would ever be in her whole life. She was tired. And she didn’t want to be alone.

The edge beckoned her closer.

_I wonder what it’s like to fly._

“Well, are you going to stand there or are you going to do something.” 

Whoevers voice it was that called out from behind her almost made the choice for her. When had someone gotten out here, she was almost certain she had been alone the whole time. Steadying herself, she turned and took a defensive stance. She swept her eyes over the rooftop, thinking that now she was actually hearing things and going crazy, until she became aware of a girl leaning against the brick wall of the building.

The girl flicked at a lighter, giving Mikasa a brief view of her illuminated face. Ashy blonde hair pulled back away from her pale face, slim nose, ice blue eyes that were now fixated on her. Mikasa quickly averted her gaze, and felt her pulse quicken.

“Well?”

“Why are you watching me?”

The pale girl’s eyebrows lifted slightly.

“Who said I was.”

Mikasa felt a hot flash of anger course through her chest.

“Why else would you be here? What kind of person hangs out on rooftops in this part of the city at this time of night?” She spat.

“Someone’s conceited.” The blonde paused to take a drag of the cigarette cradled between her long, thin fingers. “And I could say the same for you.” she replied casually, looking amused.

_I should just leave. There was no point in talking to this aggravating girl. This whole situation was off. I should go back down to the rave, find Eren and let the music fill my head. It’s too quiet up here. Seperate._

She didn’t move. The blonde hadn’t stopped watching her, she stood still, smoking silently.

The way this girl was looking at her, Mikasa felt rooted, she felt like glass. Even shifting slightly made her feel like she was going to shatter. Pale fingers let go of the cigarette, crushing it beneath her heel. Mikasa felt herself gasp for air.

“You never answered my question.”

This childish part of Mikasa wanted to point out that the girl had never answered hers either.

_Just reply._

“I don’t know.”

The words felt foreign in her mouth. She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt, less...broken.

The blonde clicked her tongue.

“If you don’t know then why the fuck are you even out here. Do it or go home.”

Her words were drenched in gasoline.

“I hate weak people.”

She tossed a lit match.

“You fucking cunt!” Mikasa her herself yell, “You don’t know shit about me and what I’ve been through, so don’t you dare say that I am weak.”

Mikasa was shaking, she only saw red and didn’t notice that the blonde had left her spot on the wall and was suddenly right in front of her. Up close her pale skin looked like porcelain, and those delicate fingers were now gripped tightly around Mikasa’s bandana. She was smaller than Mikasa expected.

“I could push you off right now, you don’t mean shit to me,” She spit harshly.

_I can feel her breath._

Having barely registered what the blonde had said Mikasa shuddered. All she could focus on was how close they were. She needed something. Needed more. She dared to lean closer, she didn’t care if this girl let go of her right then, she wasn’t scared. The blonde’s eyes focused on her like she was looking at prey. Searching, still waiting for an answer. Mikasa felt her breath hitch as she choked out, “Do it.” And crashed completely into her.

The blonde didn’t resist, nor did she seem surprised.

_Oh, did she want this?_

Her mouth parted instantly, and tightened her grip on Mikasa’s bandana, pulling her closer. Mikasa felt limp and powerless, she deftly grabbed at the girls shoulders and waist. She was nothing compared to this girl who hungirly assaulted Mikasa’s lips. The blonde let out a low growl as Mikasa gasped in surprise. Mikasa’s eyes fluttered open as she felt blood prickle from her bottom lip, they widened completely as her attacker lapped at the blood before joining their mouths together again. The harsh metallic taste of her own blood spread across her tongue, it was unsettling, but she couldn’t will herself to stop.The blonde took hold of her hair, gripping it by the roots and yanking Mikasas head back.

Blue eyes met brown and Mikasa could have sworn she recognised the almost sadistic, tight lipped grin the blonde flashed her before pulling her head back father. The bandana was roughly ripped down so the blonde could gain better access to her neck. Mikasa shivered as her exposed flesh prickled against the night air, and the breath of the beautiful girl leaving the crook of her neck sticky and warm. The girl bit down hard enough to break skin. As Mikasa tipped her chin back she didn’t try to stop the strangled cry that came out of her throat. It hurt. She could feel her pulse in the wound, throbbing. The blonde moved up her neck slowly, licking and biting, tearing into her.

_Ohmygod, shes going to devour me._

Yet Mikasa remained as she was, out of breath and submissive. She dared to roll her hips forward, desperate forward physical contact. Here, now, she felt herself falling. This is what she craved. To surrender control. Mikasa wanted to fall harder, needed to cling to her, breathe her in. All she could feel was this girl. And then, nothing at all.

The blonde had pulled back, hand still gripped around Mikasa’s bandana. With her other hand she wiped at the edge of her mouth with the sleeve of her white hoodie.

“Gross.”

Mikasa felt gross, face flushed and panting, she felt disgusting, used, and good.

There was a pause and then,

“Come on.”

The blonde said it so casually that Mikasa did a double take. She watched as the other girl walked toward the door that led from the roof to the stairs. Hesitantly Mikasa opened her mouth, but before she could form a question the blonde yelled the answer.

“Yes, you.”

She stopped and looked back. She wasn’t smiling but her expression wasn’t unkind either.

“Come on,” she repeated.

Mikasa followed.

They descended into the building, walking in silence. The strange blonde girl didn’t turn around once to see if Mikasa was keeping up with brisk pace. She didn’t offer any explanation as to why she wanted Mikasa to come with her either. As weird as this was, Mikasa was oddly calm.

_I’d probably follow her anywhere._

To her surprise the girl headed down the hallway that lead away from the party and to the street. Mikasa faltered for a moment, not wanting to leave her friends or leave Eren. The blonde, sensing that the other girl was no longer behind her, looked back over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

“We aren't going back in?” Mikasa cringed at the insecurity in her voice.

“Nah, that party sucks. Anyways I know a better place.”

Mikasa shot the door to the party one last glance before turning away.

“Kay.”

She chewed on the inside of her already swollen lip.  _They’re probably too fucked up to notice I’m gone. Besides, Armin is there. They’ll be fine._

_“Yeah right,”_ another voice taunted. _“Eren’s gonna kill you.”_

Mikasa tugged on her bandana.

“Whatever.” She whispered to herself before passing through the thick metal door her acquaintance held open and walking out into the city street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, this isn't a love story.   
> You can follow my tumblr: yunglolita.tumblr.com  
> and send me asks or do whatever you want


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